Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

I'd heard about this book and the criticisms in the United States. Funnily enough, it is my own mother who asked me to read it, and kept following up with me until I bought it.
I think it is a brave and honest book and that Amy Chua brought to light an important aspect in comparing different cultures. I often pondered over some of these things and can relate very easily to some of the differences between Asian and Western cultures. While it has not personally been so in my case, I can totally relate to parents always wanting their children to be first in class, and pushing them into competitions, driving them to success.
When I read the first two chapters, I said to myself 'OMG, I would hate a mom like that'; but as I read more into the book, I understand that she worked as hard or even harder to perfect her children in their music. I mean, who can write practice notes like that (while working, handling 2 kids and 2 dogs??). Although Amy clearly went overboard with her children (practising when sick and during vacations?!?) and probably took away from their childhood, she instilled the value of excellence in them. And it is hard to do that, to be tough and disliked and taunted and still do it. Amy is one super tough woman. When she says in her post-script that it is self-incriminating, I totally agree. Right from the start of the book, she does make herself sound like a tyrant and surely she must have left out at least some of the soft, funny, loving moments. Her admission of realizing that she cannot and should not have pushed Lulu is straight from the heart. Admittedly, she is a control freak,and could have gone easy on the kids many times. While I do not condone such extreme strict parenting, what I feel is that some amount of enforced discipline is required, some amount of choice making for them is required. I know enough people that realize in mid life that they should have pursued some hobbies and could have learnt them better over time. I personally regret not having pursued dancing with more passion and determination and at being very average till date.Some things are better starting young; and most young achievers have their parents to thank because it is equal, if not more effort on part of the parents.For, you may well allow your children to play every single weekend of their entire life, and if they do not discover a passion on their own then they may have nothing to fall back on (meaning as a hobby). Finally, I realized that great achievements need  extreme hard work and I often chastise myself for not working hard enough. Not being excellent at any one thing in life may not be a life well lived. What this requires though is focus and dedication, and that is my take away from the book.
All in all, I do believe that the book is a bold one, as it is not easy to say the things that Amy did, and must be even more difficult to face all the hate directed at you. My take is that there has to be a middle ground -a place in between Amy's super-strict parenting and Western parenting as she describes it.And in this place is my hope to raise my daughter to value both her freedom and excellence (and the hard work it takes).

Childing by Antara Pawar

Including tips and tricks on how to handle your parents

Index

Chapter 1        Thumbsucking like a pro

Including top ten reasons to continue thumbsucking and how to battle parental strategies to get you to stop         

Chapter 2        No does not mean Yes

Understanding why parents expect you to stop doing something when they say ‘No’

Chapter 3        Getting creative with tantrums

Ideas on how to throw effective tantrums to get what you want in under five minutes

Chapter 4        Fussy feeders

Obsessive Parental Feeding Syndrome (OPFS) is more common than we know. Five child experts give their real experiences on how they coped with such parents

Chapter 5        Getting organized

Spreading toys and accessories around the house

Chapter 6        Why diapers are good for you

100 examples of thwarting all potty training attempts –we’ve got them all. Diapers are good!

 

Of Slumdogs and controversies

For some reason I wrote this post years ago and didn't publish it. Perhaps it was unfinished thoughts...

Ok - let me say it. Slumdog Millionaire is a brilliant movie and I loved it! I watched the movie soon as it was released so my opinion was not biased by how many awards it won or the level of recognition its getting worldwide.

The movie weaves the story of a boy around a game show and how he knows the answers to the questions asked on the show. The movie appeals in all departments - acting, music, direction, screenplay and casting. And I say casting because there were actors of all ages in the movie - from the unkown Dev Patel to the well known Anil Kapoor.

Within a day of watching the movie and talking about it to my family, I realized that everyone took away something different from the movie. To me, the life of slum kids and the reality of begging rings in India left a lasting impression and a burning desire to do something to help. Though in the movie, the 'Slumdog' has a fairytale ending, I know that in real life not everyone has a fairytale ending. I left the theatre with a resolve to do something about it. My husband Vikas saw the movie as one of hope. Hope for slum kids to lead a better life. He was impressed by the storytelling and came out feeling hopeful.

While I was still pondering over what people took away from the movie, it started getting showered with praise from across the globe. First came the Golden Globes, then the Critic's awards, the Screen Actors Guild awards and so on. And soon to follow the glory were the brickbats. There were protests and outcry by Indians from all walks of life, condemning India's portrayal as a poor and filthy place. The makers of the movie had to go on a defensive, explaining why they made it, what they intended and why the name shouldn't or couldn't be changed. The press and media were all over it - and there were interviews of not only the cast and crew, but of every person who wanted to have a say about the movie. Even Big B's blog got into the controversy - AGAIN. Personally I think Big B has a right to say what he wants on his blog, it is, afterall, a space for him to express his personal opinions.

By the time the movie released in India, it was mired in all these controversies. This could bode well for the movie, with more people going to the theatres out of curiosity, or it could lose out due to bad publicity. (Though in today's times any publicity is good publicity).

Now what? As an Indian who constantly talks about our culture, habits and lifestyle to anyone who'd care to listen; I empathize to some extent with those who feel the movie is a negative portrayal of India and that there is much more to our country than the poverty and misery of slum life. But at the same time -that wasn't the point the movie was trying to make. It was the story of a boy who came with a traumatic past (his slum life) and utlimately triumphed in his quest for love. If the movie was a documentary about India, we have every right to feel indignant about it. We must learn to appreciate the movie for what it is. It is a great story told with passion and with every element of good cinema present in it.

Isnt it time we grew up and appreciated a meaningful movie , which is a rarity in Bollywood?

My maiden trip to Mumbai

So last Friday, April 27th I made my maiden trip to Mumbai. There - I've said it. Yes, I've never been to Mumbai city all my life! Strange, but true.

The primary purpose of our visit was to catch up with our good old friends from Pittsburgh - Naman, Mithila and their little bundle Vihaan. Mithila and I tracked parallel pregnancies and when she announced she was having a boy, I declared I was having a girl! And so it was. And ever since we two mommies have been planning the big event of our boy and girl meeting each other ... jokes apart, we were eager to see each other and the kids, who are just 6 weeks apart!

After a somewhat eventful morning at the airport (caused by a missed flight!), we landed in Mumbai around noon. Now I'd heard and read about this city, watched it in many a Bollywood film, but decided to go with an open mind, meaning, no expectations either way. So my first impression was - wow, this isn't crowded at all?!? I'd heard horror stories of traffic and congestion but our first stop was to be a 20 min cab ride from the airport. Not bad at all. Along the way I saw dilapidated buildings and normal ones. I couldn't really get a pulse of the city yet. So we reached our destination - an apartment complex at Mallad (East). Then was the thrill and joy of meeting our friends and each other's kids, Antara and Vihaan finally met! We spent a lazy, wonderful day with friends, just catching up and watching our kids ignore each other, playing each on their own. It was still fun, comparing notes, watching their antics and mannerisms. Food kept flowing, as did the conversation, and after a dinner with other guests of our hosts, we retired back to our apartment for the duration of the trip, located amidst a charming group of buildings (Hiranandani gardens) at Powai.Even through my sleepy eyes, I saw that the city seemed alive at night.

The next morning after a relaxed breakfast at the apartment, we hopped into a cab again to the other end of town - Mira road where an old friend of mine just bought her apartment. 'It's Saturday morning so the roads are free', informed our cab driver. Again, it seemed to me not bad at all, I am used to much more traffic on Hyderabad roads. The hot weather and a full stomach made the cab rides ideal to catch up on sleep, though I did try and also catch glimpses of the city when I could. We arrived at my friend's bright new apartment and it was once again food, conversations and watching Antara at play.'If you want to shop at Mumbai, you need 4 days', said my friend and I left with a promise to be back one day on just a shopping trip. We left then to undertake what our friends thought was a brave journey - to the other end of town at Napeansea Road. It was only in a cab, so not a big deal. Admittedly, it was a lot of distance but no real work so I had no complaints. A short nap and then I was woken up to see the Bandra-Worli sea link. This was beautiful. A toll bridge that looked like a mini version of the Tappanzee bridge at NYC, except this was on the sea! It was a gorgeous drive even on a hot summer afternoon. I savoured the view, watching the sea as you ride on the road is new to me, I've only done it on vacations at Vizag before. The ride along Worli seaface was wonderful. We arrived then at our next stop to visit friends who just had a baby. It was something else holding a newborn baby and showing her to Antara, remembering what we did 14 months before. Food and drinks kept flowing and we were treated to the 'best brownies in Mumbai' as claimed by our hosts. I struggled between trying to enjoy the dessert and not feel guilty for having broken my recent discipline of 'no desserts'. The room we spent the evening at had a superb view of the Worli sea and I regret not having taken any pictures, as also of not sitting by the beach even for a few minutes. The day ended with a sleepy cab ride back to Powai with a quick stop by the Gateway of India and The Taj hotel. I saw the decorated, bright and blingy horse carriages - I am told the rides are quite fun actually. And how can I not mention driving on Marine drive - would've been nicer in an own car with our favourite music, but it was still beautiful to see the skyline.

Sunday morning was reserved to meet yet another friend but unfortunately there was a last minute change. We now had the day to ourselves and so decided to get at least some Mumbai experience. We hopped right into a cab and went to the Gateway of India, spotting a few famous and noticeable buildings along the way. Now I must say I was damn impressed with the one-minute-photo guys at the Gateway of India. We went for it - each picture was Rs.30 and it was printed instantly with a color epson printer. I don't know why but that fascinated me. Maybe because I've paid $30 for instant photos on vacations in the US!! We then took a boat ride in the sea - it was quite nice and touristy actually, although a little hot! It was a short, 30 min ride, and getting back we had a beautiful view of the Gateway of India and the Taj hotel. A few pictures later, we asked for directions to the famous Leopold Cafe. Walking toward it, I suddenly chanced upon my cousin brother and family at a bookstore on the pavement. What are the chances!! We would've spent the afternoon catching up but they had tickets to watch The Avengers, so we parted ten minutes later after merely exchanging pleasantries. We managed a table in the ever crowded Leopold Cafe. I'd only known it to be (in?)famous for the shooting 2 years ago, but learned now that it was also the central location for 'Shantaram' - which has been on my reading list for about 2 years now. Food was good, service was quick, and with the little one in tow, we weren't sure we had time for much more. A visit to the Taj hotel would've been nice, but we wanted to get back in plenty of time, so we rode back to Powai. This cabbie turned out to be the most interesting one yet, and as we drove, he gave us a tour of all the famous people's houses along the way - the new Ambani residence, Lata Mangeshkar's house, Raj Kumar's house etc. He also threw in his opinions on the Worli sea, the 100 crore apartments and what not! As if that wasn't enough entertainment, I was quite impressed to see a television screen with movie choices in the cab (Tab Cabs!). So we had '3 idiots' running in the background for the ride back. Our trip was coming to an end, and I was rather happy. We'd met many friends and travelled quite a distance to do so. Maybe this isn't the 'real Mumbai' as a Mumbaikar would see it. But it was something! It was fun, relaxing and a good start.

We will go back for sure as there is much more to see and do. But yes, its a start.

Yes, I do cook!!

Folks who know me well, know that I am not exactly a foodie. I am also a self-confessed 'average' cook. With that background, let me just say that I have impressed myself with my recent culinary skills. Here are some of my mom's recipes that I have successfully made in the past few weeks. I am not very good at accurate measures, most Indians can vary these to suit individual taste. And this is my first time writing recipes, so please....follow only if you are already a good cook and know how to vary measures!!

1. Tomato Rice

Ingredients:

• 4-5 medium sized tomatoes, chopped
• 2 medium sized onions, chopped
• Half a teaspoon diced ginger
• 2-3 garlic cloves chopped
• 3-4 tbsp groundnuts
• 2-3 green chillies
• 1 tbsp garam masala
• Asafoetida -a pinch
• Turmeric -a pinch

For the seasoning:

• 10-12 curry leaves
• 1 tsp mustard seeds
• 1 tsp chana dal
• 2-3 tbsp oil

Others:

• 2 cups raw rice

Method:

Cook the rice in an electric cooker.Heat a tbsp of oil in a pan. Add the groundnuts and allow them to fry for about 2 mins. Add the mustard seeds, chana dal and curry leaves. Spread the cooked rice in a wide plate and put the oil/seasoning over it. Cool for about five minutes. Heat 2 tbsp oil in the pan. Add the onions, garlic, ginger and green chillies. Add the asafoetida and turmeric. Once the onions turn translucent, add the tomatoes and fry until they are done. Add salt and garam masala and cook for another minute or two and set aside to cool. Mix the oil/seasoning and the cooked rice with your hand. (This helps spread the oil over the rice). Now add the cooked tomatoes mixture to the rice and mix well.

I absolutely love this easy and simple recipe and it almost never fails. Can be eaten with plain yogurt/raita.

2. Mukkala pulusu/ Sweet vegetable and lentil stew

Ingredients:

About 4 cups of cooked vegetables. The more varied, the better:

• Onions
• Tomatoes
• Yellow pumpkin
• Bottle gourd
• Okra
• Carrots
• Sweet potato (optional)
• French beans (optional)
• Drumsticks- according to taste/preference

For the masala:

• Fenugreek Seeds ( 1 measure)
• Mustard seeds (3/4 measure)
• 2-3 red chillies (or according to desired spice level)

The recipe requires about 2 tbsp of the masala

For the seasoning:

• 2 tbsp oil
• 1 tsp mustard seeds
• 1 tsp cumin seeds
• 8-10 curry leaves

Others:

• Asafoetida -a pinch
• Turmeric -a pinch
• Tamarind - a small ball sized piece
• Jaggery/Gur- 3 tbsp shavings
• 1 cup cooked tur dal
• Salt to taste

Method:

Roast the fenugreek seeds on a low flame until you can smell the aroma. Once they are done, add the mustard seeds and roast. Finally, add the red chillies and roast. Let this cool for about ten minutes and grind to a fine powder. I used about 50 gms of fenugreek seeds to make the powder and store it for use in other recipes. Cook the tur dal with salt and keep aside. Chop all the vegetables and pressure cook for about two whistles. Ensure that the vegetables dont get mashed, you need them to be cooked but not mashed. Microwave the tamarind in water and extract tamarind water. Heat oil in a wide bottomed vessel. Add the mustard seeds, once they splutter, add the cumin seeds, curry leaves. Add the asafoetida and turmeric. Now add the cooked vegetables along with the water in which they are cooked. Add more water to achieve desired consistency described below. Add salt and the prepared masala and let it simmer for about 5 mins. Now add the cooked dal, the tamarind water and the gur (I dont follow any particular order!) Adjust the salt/spice/sweetness level according to individual taste. Sugar may be used in place of jaggery. Red chilly powder can be added for those who like additional spice. More tamarind water can be added for those who like a tangy taste. The consistency should of this should be slightly watery, so add more water and let it boil for about five minutes for all the flavours to mix.

Tastes absolutely great with rice and papads. I made this on Monday and savoured it...especially considering the amount of time and effort it takes to make :))

An ode to the maids

Upon announcing my move back to India, one of the first things that my many Indian friends said was 'We'll envy you, you'd have a maid, a cook and a driver!'. Frankly I had'nt given that much of a thought. Difficult as it may be to do everything ourselves in the US, I seemed ok with it. One of the main reasons is that I don't like all the things you have to do to 'maintain' the servants. You have to be kind, yet strict, you have to watch them and yet trust them, you have to confront them and befriend them. Seemed like too much work. Of course we cannot escape the fact that one cannot do everything in India, there's too much dust, we don't have dishwashers, we don't have clothes dryers and the whole set up is different. So it is a necessity, more than anything. For now I don't consider a cook or a driver a necessity, I am going to learn how to deal with one help at home.

And so of course, having finally arrived at our new home at Bangalore, I've engaged a maid. It's only the second day and I am wondering about their class of society, about their lives. My maid's story is not different from what most of us already know - an alcoholic, wife-beating husband; the household mostly running on her own income; a loveless marriage; the 'other woman'; yes - all the ingredients of a 70's movie in India. But this is no movie, this is their life! And today in 2010 when we as a country have made so much progress, what hope do these people have? I always see education as the only saviour and most of the maids I've seen are always keen on having their kids educated. But household help is necessary in India. I wish there was some sort of a co-operative society (not a union, mind you), where these women get trained and there are some ground rules on where and how they should work, organized housekeeping, so to speak. And a moral support group, so that they dont continue putting up with at least the physical abuse. Not all of the servants have good work ethic, so its hard to sympathize with them sometimes, but when I think of their lives vis-a-vis ours, it feels like life or fate or whatever the higher power is, has been unfair to them. Somehow, one almost feels guilty for being priveleged and well-off in India. There's no escape. We can get a car and only move from home to a mall to a fancy restaurant. But can we ignore everything we see along the way? The beggars at the traffic signals, who, of course, I do not encourage....all the uneducated and underprivileged you see everywhere on the streets....just tugs at my heart and confuses me. I do not know what my role is, whether I will do something or not, but I just go through a rush of emotions when I think of some of their lives, I wish I can give them hope and that their lives get better over the years. And that's one of the reasons why I wanted to escape even dealing with them, I wanted to escape the guilt......and I wonder when I think that I am a strong woman, for I see these women who endure so much more and support their entire families. Yes, these maids, they are strong women!!!

Aisha -movie review

Alright, I saw the promos and I was taken by Sonam Kapoor's sense of style. The movie also stars Abhay Deol, who's a really good actor. So when my mom suggested we watch the movie, I was all game for it.

The movie is about, well, Sonam Kapoor, who plays a rich, spoiled girl named Aisha. Aisha does whatever she wants to, with daddy dear paying the credit card bills. Early in the movie a typical 'behenji' named Shefali is entrusted to her, and Aisha makes over Shefali, quite succesfully. The repartee's between Aisha and Arjun (Abhay Deol) make the most interesting part of the movie. Aisha is childish and Arjun is wise and charming. Now Aisha moves around with Shefali, and another friend Pinky, and is on a mission to match make Shefali with Ranbir Gambhir, a funny, irritating guy, a typical Delhi businessman. Ranbir has feelings for Aisha and she feels sorry for him. Arjun makes fun of Aisha's attempts at 'social work' aka 'match making'. Other characters enter the movie, and with after its many twists and turns and different pairings, the two main characters Aisha and Arjun realize their love for each other in the end. This is a light hearted romantic comedy of sorts, with a little bit of everything - masala, entertainment, comedy, visual treats and hummable music.
In the acting department, I think this is Sonam Kapoor's best yet. And yes, again, her choice of clothes and styles in the movie is very European, very chic. Abhay Deol always impresses with his honest acting abilities, be it a rich spoiled kid in 'Socha na tha' or a conman/thief in 'Oye Lucky Lucky Oye'.
Among the songs, I like the title song 'Suno Aisha', during which the girls shop at name brand stores and generally get dolled up. Its peppy and hey, who doesnt like to watch makeovers? 'Gal mithi mithi bol' is surely gonna be a popular dance song, although its at the very end of the movie.'Behke behke' is your typical 'Salsa' music with good choreography.

All in all,Aisha is an entertaining and delightful movie, perfect for a girl's night in.

Frozen

There are some moments when life stops. Just like that, all of a sudden. Everything around is like a movie. Is this really happening? Is it a dream? Am I in a trance? Why cant I feel any emotions at this moment? Am I in disbelief and shock? Am I insensitive? How come there are no tears? God, are you really there?

Yes, this has happened more than once in my life. Death does this to me. The first time I was hit really hard was when my father passed away, eight years ago. Those days are frozen in memory, I am forever grateful for the kind souls who helped us get through those trying times. Several other older relatives passed away in the years past. We always try to make peace with that, we reflect on their life, well lived, the good deeds they have done. We pray for their souls.

But now I have lost a 33 year old friend. Is there any explanation? The first several minutes are filled with disbelief, this cannot be true. But it is. Sometimes we have to accept the cruel deal life hands to some people. Images of my friend swim in my mind. My heart starts weeping for his family - how can they ever come to terms with this? All friends are equally shocked and numbed. Suddenly, my daily woes seem so petty. What are they compared to what my friend's family has to deal with? Slowly the tears come. Yes, we all need to cry sometimes. The pain and anguish need expression. Two days have passed. The mind wanders to his family time and again. The entire day, as I go through my motions, my mind is somewhere else.

One has to get up and move on though. Life doesnt stop. But our responsibilities dont end with shedding a few tears. We need to watch out for his family, we need to keep in touch with them. This cannot be more difficult for us than it is for them. For parents to see their child go is the most difficult thing in this world. His daughter is soon to be a year old. What memories will she have of him? How will his life partner come to terms with this harsh reality? We just have to hope that someone above is watching over and will give everyone the strength to deal with this.
I know and realize that there are far many more such stories every day. There are wars being fought, brave soldiers losing their lives. There is so much pain and sorrow that we are unmindful of. Once in a while, we are shaken. A rude awakening of the soul. Maybe we need it, maybe we do.....

Does a smile hurt?

I wonder when I look at some poeple - what do they lose by smiling? My eager and friendly face is met with attitude, nonchalance or a smirk. People will just look past you as if they didnt see you. These could be strangers, casual acquaintances and even people you know well.

I guess once in a while one is consumed by their work, worries and thoughts and fail to take notice of other people in their presence. I would give them the benefit of doubt. But there is this other category of people that just want to be rude; and while I dont take it personally, I am a little disturbed by their behaviour.

I've seen this happen more in India than in the US, unfortunately. I would definitely like to see that change. Something we can learn from their culture I think.

Wouldnt the world be a nicer place if we all at least smile when we see other human beings? I believe in the adage - 'Smile, it costs you nothing!'

:D

- Poorvi

The power of the human mind

I have been taught to believe that the human mind has infinite capacity. I love that philosophy, it helps me live a fuller and more purposeful life. According to me one must have desires and goals and work hard to achieve them. If one does not have any goals, life passes by seemingly uneventfully. A desire to do good for society is also a desire, as is wanting to become wealthy. And in fact the two can be combined into one desire - to have more and give more.

The other aspect of life where I apply this philosophy is concerning health and well being. So many people around us ignore their health. I consider it an abuse of the body -when the body does so much for us, cant we work hard and do something for it? People love blaming their health and circumstances on fate or genetics. I say - if you make up your mind, you can change your fate, you can heal yourself. There may be a rare 1% circumstance where this may not apply, but 99% of it is for the lack of trying, the lack of willpower. Human beings grossly underestimate their capabilities.

There are several great books where these topics are explored extensively - The power of the subconcious mind, Unlimited Power etc.

I just wanted to pen what I learnt from these philosophies and what I wish to live by.

My obsession with Swades

I watched Ashutosh Gowariker's Swades again. This time, I watched it while living in the US. The location from where you watch it does make a difference!


The first time I watched it was at home, in my country. I was amazed at how the movie told the story with no extras. The usual melodrama is missing; a lot of things are conveyed through expressions and good music. The movie touches my heart on so many levels. I hardly know of any other movie as flawless as this one.

I am sure many Indians living in the US can relate to Mohan Bhargav almost as soon as the movie starts. There is everything that one can need for a comfortable life, and still a vaccuum. When Mohan is on his way to India, just before the flight lands, he looks out the window - at his physical motherland. This scene is very close to heart for my husband, who said he did the exact same thing the first time he went home.

Mohan goes to the old age home to look for Kaveri amma, his foster mother. Upon enquiring about her, another old lady comments that Kaveri amma is very lucky coz someone always comes looking after her. A wave of emotion swept through me thinking of all the old people who live in these homes - how they wait for someone to come and enquire about them, how they feel neglected and unwanted......wish there were an easier solution for this. In fact, I liked the lighter side of this shown in Lage Raho Munnabhai....the concept of Second Innings is very appealing to me :)

Mohan's first meeting with Geeta is sweet, and shot without the excesses. He is obviously very taken by her and likes her respect for values. After the short meeting, she is gone and he is wondering how he can get in touch with her again.

The first song is Yun hi chala chal raahi - while many people love this song, I dont find it as good. Its definitely a good song to listen to on maybe a road trip. I simply love the scene where Mohan pulls his caravan into the village of Charanpur. The curious faces of kids, the narrow roads - a very authentic shot of how village people marvel upon the arrival of something unknown to them.

The scene where he meets Kaveriamma and touches her feet is very sentimental - again, just the right amount of sentiment. Geeta is refreshingly simple and beautiful, and to add to that she is a girl with a mission -to educate all the kids in her village and to expand the school started by her parents. I love the arguments she has with Mohan -asking him not to criticize India when he hasnt done much to help the situation -I have done likewise in the past, when I was in India. It is a sort of idealistic argument, but I too believe that educated Indians with a conscience can achieve a lot to improve the situation in the country.


Mohan starts falling in love with Geeta, with the simplicity of the village life and wants to contribute to their welfare. He speaks out his mind in the village panchayats, and uses every opportunity to make them take an educated approach to problems. One of my favourite songs in the movie is Yeh Tara Woh Tara, where Mohan tries conveys the message of unity to the village by singing and dancing with the kids. The lyrics of this song are simple yet convey a powerful message - one that we all are taught in school but seldom remember to follow -Unity is strength.


Then there is the touch of humour with scenes like the one where Melaram brings up business propositions to Mohan, to open restaurant(s) in the US , Mohan going to the class where Geeta teaches, Mohan crooning 'I've been waiting, for a girl like you' while taking a bath in the backyard of the house.


Kaveriamma appreciates Mohan's good intentions of improving the village but wants him to get a reality check. She sends him off to collect rent on one of her farmlands from a poor farmer. The song 'Saanwariya' starts as he leaves for the trip, with Geeta realizing her love for Mohan. The trip changes Mohan's life in a profound manner. He is unable to digest how poverty really is and what it means. Even in such poverty, the farmer feeds Mohan and Melaram, as his kids look at the food hungrily and longingly. Mohan leaves some money with the farmer, just to temporarily relieve him of his miseries.


Mohan comes back from the trip a changed man. He has more interaction with the villagers - he cringes at their superstitions and wants them to look at issues based on facts as opposed to old beliefs. In the Dusserah celebration, picturized through the song 'Pal pal hai bhari', he has a message at the end - telling the villagers 'Man se Ravan jo nikale, Ram uske man mein hain'. As he gets more involved with the struggle and strife of all these people, Mohan decides he wants to do more. He takes up a project to produce electricity for the village, using their own water and resources, thus making them self sufficient. He gathers all people young and old and through sheer hard work and determination, gets the electricity generated. An old woman is shown looking at the bulb, that lights up when the electricity is generated. These are the very scenes that make this movie. During this project is also the fantastic 'Dekho na' song, which is as simple and romantic as a song gets. It kind of takes you back in time, when songs were picturized this simple - the hero and heroine are content to be in each other's company and dont need a hundred extras jumping and dancing along with them.


Mohan's vacation is drawing to an end and upon receiving an ultimatum from his boss, he painfully decides to go back. He loses an argument with Geeta about taking Kaveriamma with him. With a heavy heart, he packs up and the entire village gathers to send him off. Mohan's eyes are only searching for Geeta. He has almost given up, when he sees Geeta along the way. She gives him a parting gift - a box of things that will bring India to his mind. After a tearful goodbye, Mohan is back at the NASA in the US. He is working on an important satellite launch. Even during the hectic work schedule, his mind wanders to thoughts of India - to the villagers, their lives, their struggles, their joys and sorrows; to Geeta and Kaveriamma and the little kids; to the old lady above whose face the bulb lights up; to where his heart and soul really belong! We have the most amazing shehnahi playing the haunting tune of 'Yeh Jo des hai tera'. The scene where Mohan looks at a revolving globe and sees the Indian map and tears up has my eyes welling up too. The beats and background music of this song start right then. Hats off to lyrisict Javed Akhtar 'Yeh jo des hai tera, Swades hai tera, tujhe hai pukara....yeh woh bandhan hai jo kabhi toot nahi sakta' During this song, Mohan's friend Vinod tries to convince him that going back to India is not a wise decision, but Mohan is undeterred. He finally resigns from the NASA and goes back to his homeland. His boss tells him 'Go, light your bulb' and he responds 'I will'.

The last scene of the movie shows Mohan participating in a local wrestling match with the villagers; with Geeta, Kaveriamma, the kids and everyone watching. He wins the match and washes himself in the river, laughing and joking with Geeta, and the camera zooms out. Happy ending!

All in all, Swades is a movie that inspires me and hopefully inspires an entire generation of Indians.

Time

I often hear the phrases 'no time', or 'I gotta go' or 'I am in a rush'. Why is everyone always running against time, or running out of time? People's lives are loaded with so many activities these days.
I myself used these phrases lavishly when I was working in India. I also had a ton of things to do or take care of always, and being in a job that involved continuous interaction with people didnt make it any easier. I used to long -- for some peace and quiet, for some time alone to check email in private, for those good old days when I would lie on my bed with my eyes closed and listen to my favourite songs, for a tea break and gossip when its raining outside, for some time to express my creativity, for an extra hour of sleep on weekends! What I would give to get that extra time, I used to think.
Lo and behold -God granted my wish! He got me married, transported me across the seas and put me in the United States. 'Here you go', he said, 'I give you one whole year of time and its upto you what you make of it'.
I was thrilled to bits thinking of all the wonderful things I could do with my new found freedom. No one, emphasis 'NO ONE' could tell me what to do or when to do it. I was, the master of my destiny and my time. The initial days were spent watching tv, lazing about, learning how to cook and sleeping to my heart's content. Soon I joined the gym and my husband & I made fitness a part of our life. This was followed by an eventful move to a new apartment. Setting up the new place kept me excited for about a month. Then I discovered the amazing public library near my apartment - I mean, it was a bus ride away, neverthless it close enough to motivate me to get good books to read. Between reading books I always did something on the creative side. My family ended up being the guinea pigs - every occassion and opportunity to give gifts was used and I deeply satisfied myself doing the things I longed to do. I used to have this secret desire to watch almost every movie that released, the trailers would just tempt me - and so I fulfilled that dream as well until the point I have got bored of new releases and am back to watching old select ones for now. Inevitably though, some days would be a drag. I would email a ton of friends, talk to my folks on the phone incessantly, watch my favourite tv shows and still be bored. Such days used to make me think that too much of anything is never good for anyone - from super-busy to at-home-housewife, I had to make an extreme transition. In a day or two though, I'd be back in my spirits, always bounding with energy and overflowing with ideas and plans. Fitness played (and still does) a very important role in my everyday life, books enriched my knowledge, recipes blogs made me a better cook and my own blog itself made me feel like a writer of sorts.
I still call people on the phone when I am bored and want an ear - and when I hear 'I gotta go', I reluctantly hang up and turn to youtube for entertainment.
Pretty soon though, my waiting ends and I'll be getting back to work. Boy, do I look forward to a hectic schedule and saying to people 'Can I call you back, am a little busy right now?'

Oh what a year

We've been married for an year now - just celebrated our first wedding anniversary a couple of days back. As I look back on this past year, I want to capture all of the wonderful and exciting things I've done for the first time. Not normal and routine things like tasting a new cuisine or driving to and seeing different places - things that gave me a thrill and that I consider 'aha' moments.

On our anniversary we went to the Symphony Orchestra. It was just awesome to watch (and hear) so many artistes working in perfect harmony to produce something so magical. There was a lead violin player, a young lady by the name Sarah Chang, who's won accolades for her performances from the age of 8! Her fingers seemed to work like magic. And then for the Beethoven's 9th symphony, there was a choir that sang while the orchestra played - all in all some 150-200 people performing at once. I was awestruck to say the least. I was just imagining the effort they must have put in, the hours of rehearsals, the dedication to the art, the pleasure it gives them and the joy it gives to the audience. My salutes to artistes of the world! I admire them so much :)

My first time on a cruiseliner is also memorable. Nicely dressed in formal clothes, as I set foot on the cruise I was thrilled thinking about how different this was from anything I had done before. There was wine and food and family together at the table. It was raining and we looked through the glass, and soft music played in the background. There was a small performance called the Spirit of Chicago - the artistes danced and sang. It was cold on the deck, warm inside, we took pictures both inside and outside. The cruise was for 3 hours on the Lake Michigan. Never imagined how big a lake can get (no wonder they are called the Great Lakes) The water was amazingly clear blue. Oh the whole thing was just so lovely!

Skiing. Looks easy, is tough as hell. For an average person who's not accustomed to too much physical activity, skiing is a big challenge. But its a terrific experience - the slipping on snow, the falling down, getting stuck and unable to get up without help and being sore with the bruises. Just going down the smallest and easiest slope without falling gives the sense of a big achievement. And then there was the snow tubing. Cold air and snow in the face, and going down on a tube with absolutely no control on it. The best part is you can go together - two, three and even five people can choose to hold hands and go down together. Gosh! I would want to snow tube again.....and again....and again!

Participating in a parade. Off we went in our green clothes on a very cold morning in March. Its the St.Patrick's day parade I was told. Knew nothing about it so did a quick check on Wikepedia (it aint hard to know it all these days) In short, people wear green and drink lots of beer and celebrate. As long as we could have some fun, I am always game. At downtown, I ignored the cold when I saw people in all kinds of green clothes bustling about. Was even more excited to animals also with green accessories. So adorable. There were dogs, a pony and a groundhog. We caught a glimpse of the mayor, there was the Pittsburgh Steelers fans (football team), the army folks and all kinds of different groups marching away to glory. Give-aways like green beads and toffees and food samples were strewn all over the roads. We walked the entire strech of the parade, shivering every once in a while. At the central square everyone gathered to guzzle green coloured beer. Not being a beer drinker and having been exhausted by the two hour walk , we marched back to the car. All in all very special for me to see so many people together just enjoying themselves. My heart longed for India where we see crowds everyday :)

Astronomical adventures. The drive to the place is an experience close to the horror of a Hitchcock movie. Dark winding roads with very few cars or people visible. You only need to imagine the eerie music in your head to complete the movie! The last mile or so is the hardest part. Warning symbols indicate more sharp turns and chances of deer crossing the path. And we have to dim our lights as we pull into the open air observatory where amateur and professional astronomers are busy looking into their telescopes or making notes in torchlight. The human eye takes a while to get accustomed to the natural light of the moon at night - so if a car pulls in with its brights on, it hurts the eye and again takes time to re adjust to the natural light. So anyway, I take my time to look around and see that there indeed are people and parked vehicles around. I heave a sigh of relief just knowing that we arent alone in a jungle or something. My husband deftly assembles the telescope and asks me what I want to see. The moon's a little too bright apparently so its gonna be hard to see much else tonight. Whatever you can show me - said I, as usual just enthusiastic enough that I am doing something 'different'. So first I get to see the moon a little more closely, then we looked at Venus. Mars was not visible at the time for reasons I cannot recollect. That night there were supposed to be leonid showers. That was the reason for a bigger turnout at the observatory. So after seeing the moon and Mars, we sat and waited to see if we were lucky enough to be witness to the showers. Astronomy needs a lot of patience. Our luck turned when we got to see two or three meteors! It happens in a flash - you almost think you have imagined it rather than seen it. Not at all like the Bollywood movies where the hero and heroine have time enough to talk to each other, see it, make a wish and look at each other again and hide the fact that they believe in such superstitions ;) What a thrill it was to see them. I expressed my happiness at being able to participate in such an interesting activity and my husband had the look that said - 'Ab to tumhe chand sitare bhi dikha diya' (Now I have shown you the moon and stars too). On a recent second visit to the observatory I got a closer look at Jupiter and could see four of its moons. We did this both from our telescope and the observatory telescope which is much more powerful. Look forward to future adventures :D And I can probably say to him 'Mars nahin dikhaya' (you havent shown me Mars).

These were some of my best moments in the past year; experiences I put 'in my own words'. Apart from all of this we have travelled around, met friends and relatives, visited museums, walked in state parks, seen almost every movie that anyone dared make and much more. Cannot help but think - oh what a year!!

A walk in the park

I have created a new adage - A walk in the park is worth two in the gym.

The fresh air , the morning dew, flowers glistening in the sun, dogs running around, the quietness, the early morning calm - all make it worth the effort of pulling oneself out of bed :D

As my husband and I took a morning walk in the nearby dog park, armed with the camera, I couldnt help but wonder - why dont we do this more often. Running in the gym, counting calories burned seemed so artificial, so unnatural. Being in the park gave the feeling of oneness with nature. We shot this picture, among other beautiful ones. Simple beauty, nothing magnificent, yet worthy of our time and appreciation.

I thought of the poem we all read in school - What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. How true it is - I said to myself.

Come spring, we have been walking at one park or the other. The most natural way of keeping fit and enjoying the surroundings! I highly recommend it to everyone :D

First impressions

Before I forget, I want to list down the ten things in America that really amazed me during my first few months of stay here:

1. Democracy.. taken a step ahead.
Advertisers can name their competitors and criticize them openly. Imagine the detergent ad in India with the words 'sadharan sabun' and 'naya rin'. That would be so different if this were allowed back home.

2. Canine/Feline luxuries
There are specialty foods and diet pills for pets like cats and dogs. So you will see an extreme close up of some exotic dish and how its prepared, how mouth watering it is -- and at the end of it a dog/cat is shown savouring it! And as if there arent enough diet pills and weight loss programmes for human beings, pets can have their own dose, should they feel left out!

3. Ticket, Ticket...no more !!
You need exact change for the bus fare. If you dont have a bus pass or a student id, you need to carry the exact fare for eg. $1.75. Else, just pay whatever you have and move on. There is no bus conductor to tender change :)

4. Dedication goes an extra mile...
People jogging on the pavement. And mind you -not just in summer. There is no weather in which I've not seen a jogger on the road; and I believe I've seen them at all times of the day/night. While we shiver in our multiple layers of winter clothing, it is astonishing to see someone in half pants and a sweatshirt running along the road with the ipod plugged in. Truly inspirational.

5. A Convenient journey
All pavements are friendly for handicapped people. For that matter, special parking lots, seating in public transportation, public places of interest like museums - all have specific provisions for handicapped people. Thats called caring for the disabled.

6. Blame it on the weatherman
Whats the constant obsession with weather all about? Rainfall is termed as a "Rain Event", no less. Forecasts are available by the hour, location and based on the purpose eg. driving/outdoor sports/interstate driving/travel etc. Only until I saw a perfectly sunny evening change into a severe rainstorm and back to the sunny evening all within a half hour did I realize the importance of weather monitoring. And only after going through the first winter in Northeast America I understand why everyday in summer is called 'A beautiful day' :)

7. Goodbye, State electricity boards.
Electricity is privatized. So when you move, you take your electricity service provider with you.

8. Buy more to save more ??
Sales and discounts. All year round all the time. And more sales and discounts for every holiday - from President's Day to Chirstmas.

9. Size does matter.
From the tree alongside my apartment building to the grocery store round the corner, everything that meets the eye is larger than things I've ever seen in India. Needless to mention the cars, roads, malls, office buildings etc. And oh - people too. It took coming to America to make me understand the meaning of morbid obesity.

10. Whats your zipcode?
Vehicle Insurance changes based on location - not just by city but by area. The zipcode where you live/park your vehicle determines the insurance quote. That was definitely news to me!

Lastly, one note on the traffic in America. For folks (like me) who have driven through the craziest of conditions in India, it just seems too rule-ridden out here. Safe, but not used to it one bit.

Simplicity has charm

One of my favourite quotes is as follows:

Be simple maiden, for simplicity has charm
Which neither a friend can steal, nor a foe can harm

Watching old Indian movies makes me nostalgic of childhood - of simpler times. Life didnt seem this complicated back then. The father worked, the mother raised children, the children went to school, the family ate dinner together and tv watching was restricted. Every weekend didnt have to be special - people were happy to spend time at home or socialize with friends and relatives. Sunday specials were simple things like a different dish at lunch, the tv shows like Ramayan, Mahabharat, He Man, Barba Pappa or the regional movie on Doordarshan at 1.30 pm.
Everyone knew that good things in life were attainable ; and that patient waiting combined with hard work would pay off. Watching movies at the theatre, eating out at restaurants and eating cakes were celebrations on special occassions like birthdays and anniversaries. Remember the thrill of being gifted with a five-star bar?

Today, doing these would be considered 'normal' at best. Everything from weekday evening activities to weekends and vacations have to be exotic, superlative or extraordinary. Just observing movies, tv serials, music and news today will reveal the extent of 'hype' about everything in the world now. Actors are overdressed and over made up, locations are exotic and mostly foreign and ostentatious, music remixed so it can be played in discotheques and news revolves around celebrities. Letters are replaced by emails and greeting cards by e-cards, phone calls by sms s. Is there any kid who will be happy receiving just a five-star bar as a birthday gift?

Yet, change is inevitable and we must go with the flow. Every individual can now express himself; and as Thomas Friedman says - the world is flat. Opportunities are beyond imagination and connectivity couldnt get better. One still has a choice in what they embrace and imbibe.

In my own little way, I want to archive memories and collections of our times - for I dont know if our next generation will experience them firsthand.

Here are some cherishable memories -

The Rasna girl
Cadbury's gems
Plain yellow post cards
Inland letters
Mile sur mera tumhara
Black and white television
Television without commercial breaks
Karamchand
Maggi's original masala flavour
Street cat bicycles
Renting VCRs and video casettes
Walking to the milk booth to buy token milk