An ode to the maids

Upon announcing my move back to India, one of the first things that my many Indian friends said was 'We'll envy you, you'd have a maid, a cook and a driver!'. Frankly I had'nt given that much of a thought. Difficult as it may be to do everything ourselves in the US, I seemed ok with it. One of the main reasons is that I don't like all the things you have to do to 'maintain' the servants. You have to be kind, yet strict, you have to watch them and yet trust them, you have to confront them and befriend them. Seemed like too much work. Of course we cannot escape the fact that one cannot do everything in India, there's too much dust, we don't have dishwashers, we don't have clothes dryers and the whole set up is different. So it is a necessity, more than anything. For now I don't consider a cook or a driver a necessity, I am going to learn how to deal with one help at home.

And so of course, having finally arrived at our new home at Bangalore, I've engaged a maid. It's only the second day and I am wondering about their class of society, about their lives. My maid's story is not different from what most of us already know - an alcoholic, wife-beating husband; the household mostly running on her own income; a loveless marriage; the 'other woman'; yes - all the ingredients of a 70's movie in India. But this is no movie, this is their life! And today in 2010 when we as a country have made so much progress, what hope do these people have? I always see education as the only saviour and most of the maids I've seen are always keen on having their kids educated. But household help is necessary in India. I wish there was some sort of a co-operative society (not a union, mind you), where these women get trained and there are some ground rules on where and how they should work, organized housekeeping, so to speak. And a moral support group, so that they dont continue putting up with at least the physical abuse. Not all of the servants have good work ethic, so its hard to sympathize with them sometimes, but when I think of their lives vis-a-vis ours, it feels like life or fate or whatever the higher power is, has been unfair to them. Somehow, one almost feels guilty for being priveleged and well-off in India. There's no escape. We can get a car and only move from home to a mall to a fancy restaurant. But can we ignore everything we see along the way? The beggars at the traffic signals, who, of course, I do not encourage....all the uneducated and underprivileged you see everywhere on the streets....just tugs at my heart and confuses me. I do not know what my role is, whether I will do something or not, but I just go through a rush of emotions when I think of some of their lives, I wish I can give them hope and that their lives get better over the years. And that's one of the reasons why I wanted to escape even dealing with them, I wanted to escape the guilt......and I wonder when I think that I am a strong woman, for I see these women who endure so much more and support their entire families. Yes, these maids, they are strong women!!!

Aisha -movie review

Alright, I saw the promos and I was taken by Sonam Kapoor's sense of style. The movie also stars Abhay Deol, who's a really good actor. So when my mom suggested we watch the movie, I was all game for it.

The movie is about, well, Sonam Kapoor, who plays a rich, spoiled girl named Aisha. Aisha does whatever she wants to, with daddy dear paying the credit card bills. Early in the movie a typical 'behenji' named Shefali is entrusted to her, and Aisha makes over Shefali, quite succesfully. The repartee's between Aisha and Arjun (Abhay Deol) make the most interesting part of the movie. Aisha is childish and Arjun is wise and charming. Now Aisha moves around with Shefali, and another friend Pinky, and is on a mission to match make Shefali with Ranbir Gambhir, a funny, irritating guy, a typical Delhi businessman. Ranbir has feelings for Aisha and she feels sorry for him. Arjun makes fun of Aisha's attempts at 'social work' aka 'match making'. Other characters enter the movie, and with after its many twists and turns and different pairings, the two main characters Aisha and Arjun realize their love for each other in the end. This is a light hearted romantic comedy of sorts, with a little bit of everything - masala, entertainment, comedy, visual treats and hummable music.
In the acting department, I think this is Sonam Kapoor's best yet. And yes, again, her choice of clothes and styles in the movie is very European, very chic. Abhay Deol always impresses with his honest acting abilities, be it a rich spoiled kid in 'Socha na tha' or a conman/thief in 'Oye Lucky Lucky Oye'.
Among the songs, I like the title song 'Suno Aisha', during which the girls shop at name brand stores and generally get dolled up. Its peppy and hey, who doesnt like to watch makeovers? 'Gal mithi mithi bol' is surely gonna be a popular dance song, although its at the very end of the movie.'Behke behke' is your typical 'Salsa' music with good choreography.

All in all,Aisha is an entertaining and delightful movie, perfect for a girl's night in.

Frozen

There are some moments when life stops. Just like that, all of a sudden. Everything around is like a movie. Is this really happening? Is it a dream? Am I in a trance? Why cant I feel any emotions at this moment? Am I in disbelief and shock? Am I insensitive? How come there are no tears? God, are you really there?

Yes, this has happened more than once in my life. Death does this to me. The first time I was hit really hard was when my father passed away, eight years ago. Those days are frozen in memory, I am forever grateful for the kind souls who helped us get through those trying times. Several other older relatives passed away in the years past. We always try to make peace with that, we reflect on their life, well lived, the good deeds they have done. We pray for their souls.

But now I have lost a 33 year old friend. Is there any explanation? The first several minutes are filled with disbelief, this cannot be true. But it is. Sometimes we have to accept the cruel deal life hands to some people. Images of my friend swim in my mind. My heart starts weeping for his family - how can they ever come to terms with this? All friends are equally shocked and numbed. Suddenly, my daily woes seem so petty. What are they compared to what my friend's family has to deal with? Slowly the tears come. Yes, we all need to cry sometimes. The pain and anguish need expression. Two days have passed. The mind wanders to his family time and again. The entire day, as I go through my motions, my mind is somewhere else.

One has to get up and move on though. Life doesnt stop. But our responsibilities dont end with shedding a few tears. We need to watch out for his family, we need to keep in touch with them. This cannot be more difficult for us than it is for them. For parents to see their child go is the most difficult thing in this world. His daughter is soon to be a year old. What memories will she have of him? How will his life partner come to terms with this harsh reality? We just have to hope that someone above is watching over and will give everyone the strength to deal with this.
I know and realize that there are far many more such stories every day. There are wars being fought, brave soldiers losing their lives. There is so much pain and sorrow that we are unmindful of. Once in a while, we are shaken. A rude awakening of the soul. Maybe we need it, maybe we do.....

Does a smile hurt?

I wonder when I look at some poeple - what do they lose by smiling? My eager and friendly face is met with attitude, nonchalance or a smirk. People will just look past you as if they didnt see you. These could be strangers, casual acquaintances and even people you know well.

I guess once in a while one is consumed by their work, worries and thoughts and fail to take notice of other people in their presence. I would give them the benefit of doubt. But there is this other category of people that just want to be rude; and while I dont take it personally, I am a little disturbed by their behaviour.

I've seen this happen more in India than in the US, unfortunately. I would definitely like to see that change. Something we can learn from their culture I think.

Wouldnt the world be a nicer place if we all at least smile when we see other human beings? I believe in the adage - 'Smile, it costs you nothing!'

:D

- Poorvi

The power of the human mind

I have been taught to believe that the human mind has infinite capacity. I love that philosophy, it helps me live a fuller and more purposeful life. According to me one must have desires and goals and work hard to achieve them. If one does not have any goals, life passes by seemingly uneventfully. A desire to do good for society is also a desire, as is wanting to become wealthy. And in fact the two can be combined into one desire - to have more and give more.

The other aspect of life where I apply this philosophy is concerning health and well being. So many people around us ignore their health. I consider it an abuse of the body -when the body does so much for us, cant we work hard and do something for it? People love blaming their health and circumstances on fate or genetics. I say - if you make up your mind, you can change your fate, you can heal yourself. There may be a rare 1% circumstance where this may not apply, but 99% of it is for the lack of trying, the lack of willpower. Human beings grossly underestimate their capabilities.

There are several great books where these topics are explored extensively - The power of the subconcious mind, Unlimited Power etc.

I just wanted to pen what I learnt from these philosophies and what I wish to live by.

My obsession with Swades

I watched Ashutosh Gowariker's Swades again. This time, I watched it while living in the US. The location from where you watch it does make a difference!


The first time I watched it was at home, in my country. I was amazed at how the movie told the story with no extras. The usual melodrama is missing; a lot of things are conveyed through expressions and good music. The movie touches my heart on so many levels. I hardly know of any other movie as flawless as this one.

I am sure many Indians living in the US can relate to Mohan Bhargav almost as soon as the movie starts. There is everything that one can need for a comfortable life, and still a vaccuum. When Mohan is on his way to India, just before the flight lands, he looks out the window - at his physical motherland. This scene is very close to heart for my husband, who said he did the exact same thing the first time he went home.

Mohan goes to the old age home to look for Kaveri amma, his foster mother. Upon enquiring about her, another old lady comments that Kaveri amma is very lucky coz someone always comes looking after her. A wave of emotion swept through me thinking of all the old people who live in these homes - how they wait for someone to come and enquire about them, how they feel neglected and unwanted......wish there were an easier solution for this. In fact, I liked the lighter side of this shown in Lage Raho Munnabhai....the concept of Second Innings is very appealing to me :)

Mohan's first meeting with Geeta is sweet, and shot without the excesses. He is obviously very taken by her and likes her respect for values. After the short meeting, she is gone and he is wondering how he can get in touch with her again.

The first song is Yun hi chala chal raahi - while many people love this song, I dont find it as good. Its definitely a good song to listen to on maybe a road trip. I simply love the scene where Mohan pulls his caravan into the village of Charanpur. The curious faces of kids, the narrow roads - a very authentic shot of how village people marvel upon the arrival of something unknown to them.

The scene where he meets Kaveriamma and touches her feet is very sentimental - again, just the right amount of sentiment. Geeta is refreshingly simple and beautiful, and to add to that she is a girl with a mission -to educate all the kids in her village and to expand the school started by her parents. I love the arguments she has with Mohan -asking him not to criticize India when he hasnt done much to help the situation -I have done likewise in the past, when I was in India. It is a sort of idealistic argument, but I too believe that educated Indians with a conscience can achieve a lot to improve the situation in the country.


Mohan starts falling in love with Geeta, with the simplicity of the village life and wants to contribute to their welfare. He speaks out his mind in the village panchayats, and uses every opportunity to make them take an educated approach to problems. One of my favourite songs in the movie is Yeh Tara Woh Tara, where Mohan tries conveys the message of unity to the village by singing and dancing with the kids. The lyrics of this song are simple yet convey a powerful message - one that we all are taught in school but seldom remember to follow -Unity is strength.


Then there is the touch of humour with scenes like the one where Melaram brings up business propositions to Mohan, to open restaurant(s) in the US , Mohan going to the class where Geeta teaches, Mohan crooning 'I've been waiting, for a girl like you' while taking a bath in the backyard of the house.


Kaveriamma appreciates Mohan's good intentions of improving the village but wants him to get a reality check. She sends him off to collect rent on one of her farmlands from a poor farmer. The song 'Saanwariya' starts as he leaves for the trip, with Geeta realizing her love for Mohan. The trip changes Mohan's life in a profound manner. He is unable to digest how poverty really is and what it means. Even in such poverty, the farmer feeds Mohan and Melaram, as his kids look at the food hungrily and longingly. Mohan leaves some money with the farmer, just to temporarily relieve him of his miseries.


Mohan comes back from the trip a changed man. He has more interaction with the villagers - he cringes at their superstitions and wants them to look at issues based on facts as opposed to old beliefs. In the Dusserah celebration, picturized through the song 'Pal pal hai bhari', he has a message at the end - telling the villagers 'Man se Ravan jo nikale, Ram uske man mein hain'. As he gets more involved with the struggle and strife of all these people, Mohan decides he wants to do more. He takes up a project to produce electricity for the village, using their own water and resources, thus making them self sufficient. He gathers all people young and old and through sheer hard work and determination, gets the electricity generated. An old woman is shown looking at the bulb, that lights up when the electricity is generated. These are the very scenes that make this movie. During this project is also the fantastic 'Dekho na' song, which is as simple and romantic as a song gets. It kind of takes you back in time, when songs were picturized this simple - the hero and heroine are content to be in each other's company and dont need a hundred extras jumping and dancing along with them.


Mohan's vacation is drawing to an end and upon receiving an ultimatum from his boss, he painfully decides to go back. He loses an argument with Geeta about taking Kaveriamma with him. With a heavy heart, he packs up and the entire village gathers to send him off. Mohan's eyes are only searching for Geeta. He has almost given up, when he sees Geeta along the way. She gives him a parting gift - a box of things that will bring India to his mind. After a tearful goodbye, Mohan is back at the NASA in the US. He is working on an important satellite launch. Even during the hectic work schedule, his mind wanders to thoughts of India - to the villagers, their lives, their struggles, their joys and sorrows; to Geeta and Kaveriamma and the little kids; to the old lady above whose face the bulb lights up; to where his heart and soul really belong! We have the most amazing shehnahi playing the haunting tune of 'Yeh Jo des hai tera'. The scene where Mohan looks at a revolving globe and sees the Indian map and tears up has my eyes welling up too. The beats and background music of this song start right then. Hats off to lyrisict Javed Akhtar 'Yeh jo des hai tera, Swades hai tera, tujhe hai pukara....yeh woh bandhan hai jo kabhi toot nahi sakta' During this song, Mohan's friend Vinod tries to convince him that going back to India is not a wise decision, but Mohan is undeterred. He finally resigns from the NASA and goes back to his homeland. His boss tells him 'Go, light your bulb' and he responds 'I will'.

The last scene of the movie shows Mohan participating in a local wrestling match with the villagers; with Geeta, Kaveriamma, the kids and everyone watching. He wins the match and washes himself in the river, laughing and joking with Geeta, and the camera zooms out. Happy ending!

All in all, Swades is a movie that inspires me and hopefully inspires an entire generation of Indians.

Time

I often hear the phrases 'no time', or 'I gotta go' or 'I am in a rush'. Why is everyone always running against time, or running out of time? People's lives are loaded with so many activities these days.
I myself used these phrases lavishly when I was working in India. I also had a ton of things to do or take care of always, and being in a job that involved continuous interaction with people didnt make it any easier. I used to long -- for some peace and quiet, for some time alone to check email in private, for those good old days when I would lie on my bed with my eyes closed and listen to my favourite songs, for a tea break and gossip when its raining outside, for some time to express my creativity, for an extra hour of sleep on weekends! What I would give to get that extra time, I used to think.
Lo and behold -God granted my wish! He got me married, transported me across the seas and put me in the United States. 'Here you go', he said, 'I give you one whole year of time and its upto you what you make of it'.
I was thrilled to bits thinking of all the wonderful things I could do with my new found freedom. No one, emphasis 'NO ONE' could tell me what to do or when to do it. I was, the master of my destiny and my time. The initial days were spent watching tv, lazing about, learning how to cook and sleeping to my heart's content. Soon I joined the gym and my husband & I made fitness a part of our life. This was followed by an eventful move to a new apartment. Setting up the new place kept me excited for about a month. Then I discovered the amazing public library near my apartment - I mean, it was a bus ride away, neverthless it close enough to motivate me to get good books to read. Between reading books I always did something on the creative side. My family ended up being the guinea pigs - every occassion and opportunity to give gifts was used and I deeply satisfied myself doing the things I longed to do. I used to have this secret desire to watch almost every movie that released, the trailers would just tempt me - and so I fulfilled that dream as well until the point I have got bored of new releases and am back to watching old select ones for now. Inevitably though, some days would be a drag. I would email a ton of friends, talk to my folks on the phone incessantly, watch my favourite tv shows and still be bored. Such days used to make me think that too much of anything is never good for anyone - from super-busy to at-home-housewife, I had to make an extreme transition. In a day or two though, I'd be back in my spirits, always bounding with energy and overflowing with ideas and plans. Fitness played (and still does) a very important role in my everyday life, books enriched my knowledge, recipes blogs made me a better cook and my own blog itself made me feel like a writer of sorts.
I still call people on the phone when I am bored and want an ear - and when I hear 'I gotta go', I reluctantly hang up and turn to youtube for entertainment.
Pretty soon though, my waiting ends and I'll be getting back to work. Boy, do I look forward to a hectic schedule and saying to people 'Can I call you back, am a little busy right now?'